I am losing it all

I am losing it all

I am losing it all. Maybe I am the only child of my parents. I am a person with lots of happiness. I am losing it. No.! My parents are fine but I am no more a happy child of them. I am losing it all. Maybe I worked hard to be in one of the best colleges with the best educational facilities but I don’t deserve it at all. I am losing my marks. Being a low-grade student with no talent. I am losing it all. When I was a little child, I thought about college, I dreamed about unbreakable precious friendships and the first taste of love. What I got instead? I have become a living joke. A fatso ugly and an untalented person. Who wants attention so badly. Friends don’t make fun of me they ignored me. They don’t hate me they ignored me. I am just like a rock. And teachers? They seemed annoyed when I am around. I am nothing. An unwanted household, a fucking old 90’s toy who once had so much popularity. But now it’s just garbage. I am losing it all. No person find me as a person who can be loved who can be cared for. I am a joke which doesn’t crack. I am losing it all. I am failing in everything once in which I topped. I am losing it all. I am not a person to be loved by her parents. I am being an unworthy daughter. I am losing it all. I am not keeping anyone’s expectation. I am finding the person in the new world who had it all. Who knows how to keep it. Failure has slapped me in public. The person sitting beside me gave me a disgusting look. cause I was eating a chips packet and I want some beans afterwards. I wore a black small tight winter cap maybe this can be a reason or she is so beautiful and I am so ugly. I am in search of that girl, Who has it all. I gave the beggar a coin who was playing the flute. Maybe he senses my lonely less. My melancholy is transferring me to a deserted island. Where I am alone. I am searching for a way out. I am searching for my self that girl who have it All. I think I lose it now.

No death, no doom, no anguish can arouse the surpassing despair which flows from a loss of identity.
– Through the Gates of the Silver Key

I am sorry…

The reason behind it is me. I thought my life to be expected as I imagine. It can’t be. No one ever had it in real. But why I am so lost? My life was like ” study hard make it happen”. I was hell wrong. I know deep inside it had to be wrong. But my expectation didn’t prove wrong it was broken like a mirror, smashed like a flower, cut with the hard knife and perfectly it was rooted out from the ground and filled the ground with pabbles and ashes. So that it could never grow again. It was a fast process. I never thought it to happen again. It hurts me a lot. Making a hole in the ground. My expectation towards me was dreams of my life. I was flying like a dragonfly whose wings been cut by a rude boy. Now it can never fly again.

A lonely island within me

– There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other.

– Douglas H. Everett.

I felt for it…..
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